Hi, I'm Emily and I'm a Control Freak

Hello friends and family,

I'm thankful for this blog because it provides a space for me to be vulnerable, personal and, too often, a bit sarcastic. While social media is comforting when 2,000 miles away from home, it can oftentimes be misunderstood or misread. A status, picture or tweet can never quite accurately capture one's thoughts or feelings justly, yet a blog post allows the walls to come down just a bit further. I'm thankful for this white blank canvas for me to be open and honest with you, my friends.

To put it bluntly - I've never not had a job. 

At age 10, I had the opportunity to travel with my choir to Washington D.C. to sing on the steps of the capital. The plane ticket was expensive, and my mom told me that if I wanted to go, I would have to raise part of the funds myself. As a young girl with a plan, I wrote up a bakery menu (complete with cookies, cakes and pies), hopped on my bike and rode from door-to-door in my neighborhood asking neighbors to order homemade baked goodies for a price. Who wouldn't say no to an innocent 10-year-old trying to make a decent wage? 

By thirteen, I had a small list of wonderful families in the area who I loyally babysat for. I never liked asking my parents for money for the movies or to go to Chili's (skillet queso for dinner, anyone?), so I was also looking for babysitting jobs. Plus, kids are a bunch of fun and it was cool getting paid to play with them! 

On my 16th birthday, I marched into the City of Waco's Parks and Recreation office after having received my lifeguard, CPR and First Aid certification and asked for a job at the Waco Water Park. The following Monday, I was working my first 8-hour poolside shift.

When Labor Day passed and the pool closed until the next year, I started working at Pizza Inn, the only pizza joint within a 20-mile radius to my house (back then in the olden days) during the school year, then back to the Water Park for the following summer, then started working at a a jewelry boutique store during the school year, then back to the Water Park the summer after my senior year of high school. You get my drift...

College started and I became a Barista at Starbucks (still one of my favorite jobs ever!) in Denton. I did this for almost two years, then got an opportunity to get paid $10 an hour at Apple Computer Company as a Concierge. You mean I can get paid to talk and help people all day!?!? About a year later, the commute started to wear me down and I got a job as a waitress at Johnny Carino's. I loved waitressing. I got to interact with different people from all over the demographic spectrum. It was fast-paced and busy, and I probably burned at least 1,000 calories a day carrying trays of drinks and plates of lasagna. Italian food is dense and heavier than bricks. 

Upon graduation, I got an amazing job at The Dallas Opera as the Development Specialist and did this for about 1.5 years. After I got married to Jimmy, I sensed a need for change in my career. The mentors I surrounded myself with at work started leaving and retiring, and before I knew it I wasn't learning or being encouraged to grow professionally. 

My sweet coworker and friend, Lori, called me up and told me about an open position at St. Jude Children's Research Hospital. I called St. Jude, got an interview the following morning, got married the next weekend and started my job as an Event Marketing Representative two weeks later! I loved working for St. Jude. I loved my coworkers, my volunteers, the events, committees I got to work with, the organization and mission, etc. It was one of the hardest days of my life leaving St. Jude for the last time in August. 

Why do I write all this down and fill you in on every detail of my work life? 

To prove a point. 

I have never NOT been in "control" of my job situation. I've never had to trust and depend on The Lord directing my paths. I've never had to stress out about how we're going to pay rent in a couple months if I don't find a job. I've never had to tell myself "No" at Starbucks when I'm tempted to get a double tall, nonfat, one pump white mocha, one pump cinnamon dolce latte with light whip for $4.64.  I've never been in this place before. 

Although this is new for me, The Lord is with me still. Just like the Israelites leaving Egypt, God will be with me in this new place in an unfamiliar territory. He provided the Israelites with food and water through manna from the sky and water flowing from the rock. He gave them shelter from the hot sun by protecting them with a cloud, and led them at night by a pillar of fire. He protected them from their enemies by allowing them to cross the Red Sea safely and miraculously. 

This is the same God who is my sweet Savior. He is the giver of protection, provision and safety. Whom and what shall I fear with The Lord on my side? Like the psalmist says, "He is my refuge and my fortress, my God, in whom I trust "(Psalm 91:2). While it is disarming to feel vulnerable, I find much peace and joy because I know He goes before me. He is at work behind the scenes, and I put my faith and trust in that. I unclinch my fists and let God take control over it all. 

Does this mean I stop looking for jobs and wait for something to just happen? No, for that would be poor stewardship of my time and resources. But, this does mean that I don't fret when things aren't aligning like I thought. I believe in a God who will use me where He sees most glorifying to His kingdom and plan. 

He who dwells in the shelter of the Most High

will abide in the shadow of the Almighty.

I will say to the Lord, “My refuge and my fortress,

my God, in whom I trust.”

For he will deliver you from the snare of the fowler

and from the deadly pestilence.

He will cover you with his pinions,

and under his wings you will find refuge;

his faithfulness is a shield and buckler.

You will not fear the terror of the night,

nor the arrow that flies by day,

nor the pestilence that stalks in darkness,

nor the destruction that wastes at noonday.

A thousand may fall at your side,

ten thousand at your right hand,

but it will not come near you.

You will only look with your eyes

and see the recompense of the wicked.

Because you have made the Lord your dwelling place—

the Most High, who is my refuge—

no evil shall be allowed to befall you,

no plague come near your tent.

For he will command his sangels concerning you

to guard you in all your ways.

On their hands they will bear you up,

lest you strike your foot against a stone.

You will tread on the lion and the adder;

the young lion and the serpent you will trample underfoot.

“Because he holds fast to me in love, I will deliver him;

I will protect him, because he knows my name.

When he calls to me, I will answer him;

I will be with him in trouble;

I will rescue him and chonor him.

With long life I will satisfy him

and show him my salvation.”

- Psalm 91 - 

In Him,

The Millers