These words stumbled out of my mouth this morning as I slurped my coffee during the dissection of my soul…a.k.a. my quiet time. You see, lately I've been in a funk. It's the kind of funk that can easily be blamed on the weather, poor eating habits, our lack of extra funds, or missing my family. This funk has been sitting and stewing in my heart for weeks now, and I've just now mustered up the courage to expose and discover what's really going on in my heart rather than push the feeling to the corner of my mind.
I have an excellent knack for distracting myself. Whether it be by exciting adventures and the hope of a road-trip or shopping sprees and fabulous dining experiences. When life gets mundane and not as fun, I can easily set my eyes on something to look forward to as a distraction. Eventually, I develop unhealthy thinking habits or patterns from which I glean my happiness.
"Gosh Emily, how could you not see unhealthy signs of idolatry in your life before you got in the funk?"
That's a great question. And the answer is quite simple.
I have become a master of distraction. I can distract myself from what's really going on in my heart by simply focusing on my day-to-day living rather than taking a step back and looking at my walk with the Lord.
Throughout my day, I feel great if I spoke to my boss kindly, opened the door and smiled to fellow coworkers and made Jimmy dinner. Chalk that up as a good day, right? Absolutely, except my motivations for all of these things have completely missed the mark. I spoke to my boss kindly today so that I could look really good. I opened the door and smiled to coworkers because I would've felt guilty had I not done that. I made Jimmy dinner begrudgingly because we can't afford to go out which turns into me mentally complaining about it the entire time…
I can easily let the idolatry of experiences creep in because I'm not honest with myself and where I place my joy.
Friends, I'm still figuring this thing out. As my father once said, "Emily, the Christian walk is not a sprint. It's a marathon." These words mean more to me today than they ever have before. This is a season of open brokenness that I'm happy to share with you because I know I'm not alone in seeking distractions from what's going on in the daily Christian walk.
You're not alone, and there's even better news; He has covered me and you with His grace. Praise the Lord that the Holy Spirit has made me and you painfully aware of sin so that we can continually come crawling back to the cross. His faithfulness can look different depending on the season, and this is an instance of Him being faithful to the sanctification, or molding, of my soul.
"But thanks be to God, that you who were once slaves of sin have become obedient from the heart to the standard of teaching to which you were committed, and, having been set free from sing, have become slaves of righteousness…the fruit you get leads to sanctification and its end, eternal life."
- Romans 6:17-18, 22 -
In Him,
Emily
